March 2010
1 post
Under Construction
Please excuse our appearance while we re-design and re-launch Find He-Man.
THAT’S RIGHT, WE SAID “RE-LAUNCH”. FIND HE-MAN IS BACK!
Stay tuned…
July 2009
1 post
1 tag
SPECIAL REPORT: He-Man Travels Through Time Vortex
Today, He-Man was spotted in the south during the 1920’s in Union Square.
Taking in the mysterious visitor with caution.
He-Man was walking around Union Square when he saw a glowing ember inside of his favorite bush. He slowly walked up, only to get sucked into an alternate dimension: the 1920’s in the south.
Pictured here is Jezebel and Jackson speaking with He-Man about their...
June 2009
2 posts
1 tag
He-Man Opens Up For Phantom Planet @ Irving Plaza
This week, He-Man was spotted hanging out in front of the legendary Irving Plaza.
Scoping it out.
Apparently His band CyberNeck is opening up for pop favorite Phantom Planet soon. He-Man’s attempt at crossing over to rock and roll has been met with hesitant cynicism, but let me say if He can crush a guitar solo the same way he can a skull, well then sign me up.
1 tag
SPECIAL WELLNESS REPORT: He-Man Turns Urban Jungle...
Today, He-Man was spotted working out on 23rd street. Not at the New York Sports Club, but rather at trendy new gym, Sidewalk.
Doing some reps.
Apparently He was invited to christen it’s brand new machines, including the “Construction Pull-Up Bars” and the “Really Heavy Trash Can Weights”.
He was spotted by hunter Josh, who He gave a “thumbs up” to...
May 2009
1 post
1 tag
FindHeMan featured in this week's New York...
This week, the New York Observer wrote an in depth article on He-Man and His fabled history, mentioning this site as an aid in His recent world-wide popularity.
See the article here.
And keep hunting!
April 2009
1 post
1 tag
EXCLUSIVE STYLE TRAVESTY REPORT: American Apparel...
Today He-Man was spotted around NYU territory checking out summer fashions at American Apparel.
Without much experience shopping there, He wandered in because of his famous vows to purchase anything with “America” in the title. He currently owns every “America” the band vinyl, frequents theme park “Six Flags: America” and even bought a Kid Rock...
February 2009
1 post
1 tag
He-Man's Giant Muscles Make Venti Starbucks...
This morning, He-Man was spotted walking out of Starbucks on 23rd and 3rd. It appeared He was handling a tall Starbucks cup.
BUT HE WASN’T.
Upon closer inspection by our team of photo analysts, He-Man is carrying a Venti size Starbucks cup. You see, His muscles are just so large and scary that in comparison, this giant Starbucks cup looks two sizes smaller.
Just take that cup in your...
December 2008
2 posts
1 tag
BREAKING NEWS: He-Man Does Something Amazing...
In a miraculous and possibly earth-shattering move, He-Man today committed an act of bravery and courage…right behind that woman who is grabbing her knee for some reason.
Look at the-hey, get out of the way.
Bystanders were heard saying “Wow!”, “I can’t believe He’s doing that!”, and “Ohmygosh!”, leading us no insight to what exactly was...
1 tag
BREAKING NEWS: HE-MAN APPLIES FOR SMALL BUSINESS...
He-Man was spotted this afternoon exiting an Amalgamated Bank on 23rd st. and 3rd ave today. Apparently He was applying for an SBA Microloan for His startup business.
With a plastic bag, possibly filled with a loan.
While His business severely underapps, sources around He-Man at the time of the meeting said it sounded like He was starting a small burrito restaurant, “kind of like...
November 2008
1 post
1 tag
BREAKING NEWS OF THE HEART: HE-MAN SEEN ESCORTING...
by Trudy Axford, Find He Man’s newest gossip columnist.
Today was a whirlwind of news for Ms. Axford, good hunters. I started my day with my Starbucks double shot, followed by a latte, followed up again with a red bull and vodka (keeps me regular)! At 9AM i dozed off into my usual trance and at around 11 I awoke to the sound of a picture slamming my desk. It was a PROOF of He-Man and a LOVE...
October 2008
1 post
1 tag
DEVELOPING STORY: HE-MAN IMPOSTORS TARNISH THE...
Today was a very emotionaly charged day for the FHM staff. We were sent this He-Man sighting at 2:29 PM EST:
“Dear Find He-Man,
My name is Kathy and I am a third grader at PS 143 on 43rd st. This morning we took a field trip to Grand Central Terminal to learn about the locomotives and the different types of sushi restaurants in the lower area. Just when we were being taught how to make a...
August 2008
2 posts
1 tag
STRIKE REPORT: He-Man's Muscles May Be Giving...
It was reported several weeks ago that He-Man’s muscles were on strike for more public respect. We’ve just gotten word that His muscles just might be ready to come out once again.
The talks were conducted at a local Pinkberry between He-Man’s lawyer and his left bicep, the leader of the muscle union. He-Man did not interfere and ate a medium three topping Pinkberry.
Like...
1 tag
He-Man Carries Several Galaxies In Summer Bag
He-Man was recently spotted by hunter “Clark” on Park Avenue and 18th street walking towards Union Square. He was carrying a light, casual bag that any normal person would throw in some clothes for the beach and call it a day.
Casual and soft.
However, He-Man was using it to carry several galaxies that He is currently holding onto for a friend.
“Yeah, these bags are...
July 2008
2 posts
1 tag
CHARITY ALERT: He-Man Takes Out Dying Girl For...
He-Man was spotted last weekend, but not alone. He was courting a young sick girl whose one wish for the “Make-a-Wish” Foundation was to share stories and coffee smoothies with He-Man.
Erin Lampert had been a huge fan of the website ever since it began, and once she came down with Amyotrophic Choreoacanthocytosis, a very rare disease where your organs switch places with one...
1 tag
BREAKING NEWS: He-Man's Muscles Go On Strike
A struggling He-Man was sighted on the northwest side of Tompkins Square Park the other day. He was wearing what we have all come to know as His “shirt”.
A past occurrence in which He sported the foreign cloth.
Shirtless, but still carrying a shirt.
THIS time He was seen wearing the shirt, but not of His choice. He was forced to because his upper body muscles went on strike.
...
June 2008
1 post
1 tag
He-Man: Summer Movie Reviews 2008
Once a year, the Motion Picture Association of America has a screening with He-Man to see what He likes, dislikes, and what makes Him cry large tears of gasoline (yes he cries gasoline). We got the first word on His summer movie predictions from a fax sent by MPAA employee, Michael Fisher.
Note that while He-Man cannot safely express Himself in words (otherwise we would turn to sap), Michael...
May 2008
5 posts
1 tag
Sightings Week 5/8-5/15
Here are some sightings that lack picture proof:
MAY 8 - ARNOLD saw He-Man at the South Street Seaport examining a street magician. Using His X-Ray vision, He saw that the magician was keeping a dove up his sleeve. “There’s a dove up his sleeve,” He told the annoyed spectators. “I can see there’s a dove.”
MAY 9 - BRIDGIT spotted He-Man at an H&M on w34th...
1 tag
He-Man Unveils New 2008 Muscle
Last Saturday, as if in a direct response to near perfect BBQ weather and definitely perfect park-your-car-and-blast-Reggaeton-music-from-a-tricked-out-stereo-system weather, He-Man unveiled the latest addition to His arsenal: a muscle on his back, colloquially known as “The Dorsal Fist.”
On Park Ave, showing off His new discovery.
He-Man’s Dorsal Fist was first discovered by Deborah...
1 tag
Presidential Hopefuls Ask For He-Man's...
by Todd Kuhl, FindHeMan’s Political Analyst
It is clear that the race for the Democratic nominee will come down the wire. Each of the candidates is doing their best to build support going into the Democratic National Convention in August. No matter what though, it looks to be a bitter and devise battle in Denver. The media has been a buzz with this issue of “super-delegates,” and how they...
1 tag
Sightings of the Week 4/25-5/02
Here are some He-Man sightings sans photos.
APRIL 25 - EMILY saw He-Man walking on 27th and Park Avenue South. When a solicitor handed Him a flyer for a free hair cut, He-Man laughed at the idea of cutting His hair with scissors instead of a blow torch.
APRIL 28 - PATRICIA spotted He-Man inside a Quiznos on 23rd st. He was trying to convince the staff to let him toast a sedated saber toothed...
1 tag
Make Sure To Send Us Your Sightings!
Fellow Hunters,
We’d like to take this time to stress the importance of your involvement in this operation, as we cannot succesfully track this man without your help.
If you live/work in the New York City area, we encourage you to keep your image capturing electronics handy and ready.
Good luck hunting.
-FindHeMan Staff
April 2008
3 posts
1 tag
He-Man Demonstrates Traffic Safety
In an unexpected event, He-Man took to the streets yesterday and demonstrated the importance of traffic and safety laws.
“I’ve always thought that you teach by doing,” He told Bruce Collins, a reporter for “City Limits”, New York’s #1 blog on safety. “When I was a He-Boy, no one told me that you shouldn’t stare directly at the sun. Now I know that...
1 tag
Sightings of the Week 4/10-4/17
Here are some reports that couldn’t catch his image:
APRIL 10 - DENNIS spotted He-Man in a Starbucks on Canal St. Disgusted by the dirty bathrooms, He physically threatened the barista to tell everyone the password for wireless internet.
APRIL 11 - MICA saw He-Man eating a cheeseburger on 34th and 7th. While no one is certain what was in the ground up patty, many speculate it is the body...
1 tag
GOSSIP SIGHTING: He-Man Changes Body Wash
By Harriet Schull, FHM’s newest gossip columnist.
Mase celebrated his return to music with a hit single; Napoleon celebrated his return to the throne with the Waterloo Campaign; He-Man celebrate His return to global domination with… new body wash?
“For as long as I can remember, he’s been using the blood of his rivals and the tears of their widows to get that squeaky clean and ready to...
March 2008
2 posts
1 tag
He-Man Responsible For Times Square Blast?
As many of you may know, a small explosion occurred outside the military recruiting office in Times Square on Thursday. Questions as to who could be responsible for the blast have proven to be somewhat inconclusive, until now. Some shocking new evidence has surfaced that has lead investigators in one direction. He-Man.
Investigator Robert Wilder, head of the blast’s investigation, was the...
1 tag
Sightings of the Week 3/1-3/8
Those who were too slow to catch a snapshot.
MARCH 1 - DAN spotted He-Man at a FedEx store on Spring st and Lafayette. When told He couldn’t ship the severed head of a Chupacabra, He stormed out saying, “I guess I’ll just go to UPS.”
MARCH 3 - MOLLY viewed He-Man laying on a bench in Central Park. When someone mistook Him for a bum and tossed Him a nickel, He caught it in...
February 2008
3 posts
1 tag
He-Man Haggles Man Into Oblivion
He-Man was seen in rare form last night: shopping on St. Mark’s place, where all the best bargains can be found on the hottest, custom-made New York “grabs”.
Poor quality picture, high quality goods.
Apparently this picture was taken seconds after leaving “WearYOTear”, a small store devoted to selling scarves and vintage hats, owned by a Mr. Roberto Caldwell.
...
1 tag
From the Rumor Mill: He-Man to Replace Castro?
by Todd Weathers, FHM’s new gossip columnist.
According to Washington insiders and officials within the Cuban government, Castro stepped down only after securing He-Man to take his place. We here at Find He-Man find these rumors impossible to believe for several reasons.
For one, He-Man has never once wavered from his love of capitalism and the United States of America. Two, if he...
ALERT: HE-MAN SPOTTED OUT OF HIBERNATION.
We at FindHeMan.Com were awoken by an email alert that caught our attention:
The following is written by Dave Nicholson, a He-Man follower since the summer of 2002:
“Today, I email you friends from a dark corner in the basement of my building…Here I am safe; here it is silent. Or so I think.
I was walking down 2nd avenue to my daily coffee stand at 6:38 in the morning (My friend...
January 2008
1 post
UPDATE: He-Man Hibernates Somewhere Under...
Many loyal FHM readers have been sending us thousands of emails a day complaining and begging for more accounts of He-Man’s existence. While we are annoyed with the overflow of our G-Mail, we do feel your concern. However, what we should have mentioned on the website is that our very own He-Man is in fact hibernating, as He does every winter.
Where is He hibernating, you may ask?...
November 2007
2 posts
Exclusive Charity Sighting: He-Man Protects...
This article was just forwarded to our office, proving once again that He-Man is looking out for the little man.
*From the Hell’s Kitchen Shopping Supplement
“One Man Still Listens”
When Molly Simmons of P.S. 143 in New York City realized she had left her backpack on the school bus, she knew she was once again destined to repeat the 5th grade. This would be the second time in two...
INJUSTICE: Government Traps He-Man in Force Field
With He-Man out of the public’s eye for a few weeks, we at FHM assumed He was on His regular October retreat to Malaysia. However, we were shocked to find in our mail box this morning a much more horrifying reality: He-Man is being trapped against His will.
How could anyone possibly keep this awe-inspiring specimen in any place under duress, you ask? Invisible Force Field Technology.
.
...
October 2007
2 posts
Sightings of the Week 10/7-10/13
Here are some written accounts of He-Man’s existence:
OCTOBER 7 - RACHEL spotted He-Man on Avenue A, tossing a cup of coffee into the garbage. Soon after, a bum grabbed it from the trash and took a sip. That bum is now a handsome businessman working for a political think tank.
OCTOBER 9 - DANIEL saw He-Man on 1st Ave between 3rd and 4th st entering Beth Israel Hospital. He delivered 80...
SPECIAL REPORT: He-Man Infiltrates Underground...
He-Man was seen this weekend exploring the vast, intricate tunnels underneath New York City. Seemingly confused, He wandered around, unsure as to what dragon or wizard this lair was home to. “I DEMAND YOU: SHOW YOURSELF AT ONCE!” He-Man howled, startling rush hour passengers at the West 4th street stop off the F Train.
He-Man, startling a unsuspecting commuter.
“TO WHOM...
September 2007
6 posts
Sightings of the Week 9/21-9/28
Here are some sightings minus visual proof:
SEPTEMBER 21 - PATRICK saw He-Man wandering around Penn Station. Apparently He was playing his favorite sport, “Train Strain”, where He pushes against moving trains until they come to a complete stop.
SEPTEMBER 23 - NATALIE spotted He-Man walking past Home Depot on w23rd with an open shirt. Upon his passing, every in-store power tool and...
He-Man's Posture Baffles Scientists and...
Seen at Union Square last Tuesday
Celebrated as planet Earth’s very own one-man firewall, He-man’s exploits have been the subjects of many a conference. Recently, a group of Chiropractors met to discuss the phenomenon that is He-man’s posture.
“It’s incredible. His backbone redefines straight,” Dr. Loren Kenning exclaimed. “You’d need an oil rig just to get a decent spinal tap out of that. ...
EXCLUSIVE RARITY: He-Man Masks His Chest
Recently, FindHeMan.com reader Jeremiah spotted an unexpectedly clad He-man in the middle of an early autumn Port Authority promenade. After a couple back alley interviews with anonymous sources and extensive overnight research, we have discovered that He-man is in the throes of a competition with a He-foe to see who can keep a shirt on longer.
Attempting to Exist in Imprisoning Garments The...
Sightings of the Week 9/8-9/15
Those who were unable to preserve his glory with an image:
SEPTEMBER 9 - JEN saw He-Man on west 5th street and 6th avenue at 11:34 PM in a shouting match with a mailbox. Apparently the mailbox had been running his mouth all night long, and finally, as witnesses said, “the shit had hit the fan”.
SEPTEMBER 10 - VINNY spotted He-Man pacing back and forth in front of a bondage shop in...
He-Man Rests His Body; Strengthens His Mind
He-Man was spotted September 4th at Madison Square park in a surprisingly unheroic position; reading The New York Post.
Keeping up with the times
One had to question why He-Man would be wasting his time with such a boring activity, so unproductive towards global crises. Upon further investigation, it was revealed that He-Man had actually metaphysically traveled into the newspaper and was...
He-Manimation
Animator Scott Bateman has made an animation based on He-Man. Take a look:
[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=n50mIk0EH0w]
In our opinion, this embodies the He-Man experience more than any actual sighting.
August 2007
15 posts
Sightings of the Week 8/22 - 8/29
Those who were too slow to catch a snapshot.
AUGUST 22 - DANIEL spotted He-Man marching near Macy’s. Apparently He is trying to push his new cologne, “Head Splitting Rapture That Will Destroy All Who Inhale it For Men”.
AUGUST 23 - LORI saw He-Man on 20th and 3rd at 2:30 walking with two women. Word is He was heading to a college frat party and needed at least two girls to get...
BREAKING NEWS: Vatican Releases Statement on...
This statement was released by the Vatican at 12:55 pm on Thursday August 25, 2007.
I have come to learn it contains the concerns of the Church regarding the recent migration of Catholics to Hemanism, or the following of He-Man. “It has come to the attention of the Roman Catholic Church and the Vatican Council that people in the city of New York have begun to question their faith. The...
He-Man, Enraged Sues Movie Studio for Likeness...
In the latest issue of the Daily Variety, it was announced that a film, based on the 1980’s animated series “He Man,” will go into production this fall. It appears that the makers of this film have done their lower Manhattan research, concentrating their efforts on a certain bare-chested hero. But, they did so not without facing his inevitable wrath.
Depiction of the fictional He-Man.
In a...
Sightings of the Week 8/15 - 8/21
A week of sightings sans photos.
AUGUST 15- EMILIE saw He-Man at 4:30pm on 40th st between 8th and 9th outside a parole office. Later that day, the men he was speaking with gave up crime to work for a youth ministry.
AUGUST 15- GUMBLEY spotted He-Man in Duane Reade on 23rd and Lexington. After accommodating the essentials such as Tag body spray and dental floss, He-Man paid with cash and...
He-Man Seen Filming ABC Family Pilot
One of our readers stumbled across an article in the most recent Hollywood Reporter and sent it along. It seems like we aren’t the only publication reporting He-Man sightings anymore. However, we at FindHM are worried that this might not be the best career move for the big guy. Decide for yourself:
He-Man Seen Filming ABC Family Pilot
GOTHAM- Earlier today in Central Park, vigilant...
SPECIAL REPORT: Ancient Texts Reveal He-Man's...
Here at FindHeMan.com, even those of us that are God-fearing individuals had no idea what the Hihmaan text was, but when word filtered into the office from our “on the street sources” that He-Man’s presence here (and existence in general) could further be explain by this religious book, well I had to get my hands on it.
Unfortunately, my first attempt at finding it led me to the realization...
He-Man Rests After Intense Demon Battle
In a shocking and supernatural encounter, He-Man was photographed walking through Union Square after an epic battle with the Japanese Mythological Demon, Kagutsuchi.
An artist’s rendering of Kagutsuchi
Kagutsuchi was focusing on the area upon earth’s surface with the most concentrated level of Strength Chi, which was where He-Man was. He-Man was entertaining British orphan...
He-Man Fights Back: EXCLUSIVE VIDEO COVERAGE!!!
In perhaps one of the boldest moves since the Kyoto Protocol, He-man launched a campaign to literally fight global warming. Rather than regulating carbon emissions and lobbying for sustainable architecture, He-man’s strategy relies on brute force and physical intimidation of the offending party, the earth.
He-Man, showing Earth what He’s made of.
He-man was spotted all over town...
He-Press
What “reputable” publications (we say “reputable” because they have never written a legitimate article about He-Man) have featured FINDHEMAN.COM:
Wired.com Gothamist The Village Voice Canada.com, Canada’s Official Website Thrillist The Apiary CNBC.COM PostWorthy Monkey Filter The Beat Metroblogging Seattle Going.com This Guy
“A beefy ton of good-natured...
Sightings of the Week 8/7-8/14
AUGUST 8: DWAYNE spotted He-Man at the MTV headquarters in Times Square. Apparently he was in the audience for TRL, but then stormed out violently when Boys Like Girls beat out Gym Class Heroes for the #1 spot.
AUGUST 11: BRAD saw He-Man at the Shake Shack in Madison Square Park ordering a “Concrete” milkshake. After one sip, he realized it was not real concrete, and threw it forty...