Recently, FindHeMan.com reader Jeremiah spotted an unexpectedly clad He-man in the middle of an early autumn Port Authority promenade. After a couple back alley interviews with anonymous sources and extensive overnight research, we have discovered that He-man is in the throes of a competition with a He-foe to see who can keep a shirt on longer.

Attempting to Exist in Imprisoning Garments

The He-foe, identified as Thad Nguyen, the intergalactic menace with a penchant for fast women and nuclear weaponry, was unavailable for comment.

The competition has tried He-Man’s strength and spirits. Owing to a crippling allergy to farmer’s tans, He has not worn a shirt since he was a He-Lad. Earwitnesses have reported ultrasonic bellows of pain as He-Man’s immune system attempts to fight the parasitic shirt. He-Man was also spotted writhing in pain outside Pinkberry, crying “must…wear…shirt…”

Speculations are circulating in scholarly circles that the effect of the trespassing tee will be cocoon-like. They believe that after defeating his opponent, He-man will burst forth from his 92% cotton, 6% rayon, and 2% spandex cocoon with 17 previously undiscovered bicep muscles and a pair of fleece-lined pterodactyl wings.

He-man’s concealment of his signature torso led many followers to question their faith in God, Physics, and NBC’s Thursday night line-up. Said Fran Davis, a 46 year old flea market vendor, “The Office is getting too wishy-washy, and I thought My Name is Earl was a solid premise, but after seeing He-Man wearing clothes like a normal person, well who the hell knows anymore?”

Loses it’s “edge” the more He-Man suits up

The post-victory unveiling of He-man’s torso is expected to be a star-studded affair.

He-man, grimacing with pain, calls schoolyard pal Odin for some moral support.

Check out Jeremiah’s blog, Vanishing New York